Anyway, it is nice to be writing again. Yes, I know it has been a while. Technically this isn't the first time I've written something since my last official entry. I started an entry two weeks ago and never finished it. You never saw it, because I abandoned it. It started well, catchy opening, spotted with witty remarks. Yes, I just called myself witty. I really thought it was going to make the final cut. But then I realized that catchy opening had drug on until I wasn't sure why I began the post in the first place. It probably isn't the only thing I've abandoned in the past month. It seems that when "back to school" season arrives, my life in all other areas comes to somewhat of a screeching halt. Some of that is my fault, as only a second year teacher, I have still yet to figure out how to balance work and the personal life. Yes, as soon as those Target commercials start reeling, Kristen starts disappearing. Ew I don't even like when people refer to themselves in third person. I'm sorry. I'm tired.
Long story short, "back to school" time is pure chaos. Pure chaos meaning, it makes me long for summer, where my days were filled with a little less analyzing and a lot more eating. My inbox was full of junk mail, workouts started after 5 am, I don't think I spilled coffee on myself once, my dog was fed regularly (he's fine I swear), reading a book before bed was actually possible. I've been carrying around the same unopened book for two weeks now, no progress yet, just the idea of holding something at eye level after 7 pm puts me to sleep. In case you were wondering, my new bedtime is 9:00 pm; a little earlier than I'd like to admit, but hey that's why you read this, because I'm honest, sometimes too honest.
As for during the school year, just take everything I told you in the preceding paragraph and assume the opposite. My days are spent corralling fifth graders into the right classroom and holding their attention for an hour and a half while teaching them decimal place value. But, it's the cross I must bear, because I love it. Some days I wish I didn't love my job so much, so I could just throw in the towel and find a job that didn't ask so much of you; a job that didn't require you to become a better person every day; a job that didn't cause you stay up late worrying about seventy little souls all depending on you to have your stuff together tomorrow; a job that was easy. Yes, some days I wish I didn't care so much. But, then I realize, deep down, I hope that day never comes, because I have learned more about how to be a good person in the past year than I probably have my entire life.
Being a teacher has pushed me to become a better version of myself. I've always considered myself to be a person that strives to do good in the world, but as it usually happens, life causes us to become passive towards this goal, at some times more than others. When I started teaching, I realized I had two options. I either quit and took the easy, passive route or I stayed and took the one that was not easily traveled, but all the more worth it.
I don't go to work for myself any more, I go to work because I have an obligation to share what I've been given. What I have been privileged enough to receive, I am expected to return to others. "To those whom much is given, much is required." God has given so much to my life that I would be hard pressed to say that I have nothing to give back. So, on those days where I'm wishing I didn't care so much or I'm wishing I had taken a job that didn't ask so much of me, I'll think of God and what He's given me and what He needs from me.
The thing we forget in our journey towards happiness, is that it's not found serving ourselves. It's found serving others. And whether you hold my same beliefs or not, truth is truth. Spend your whole life chasing happiness or accept that in order to find it, you must take the road less traveled.
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
Robert Frost
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